How did it get to be ‘OK’ for people to be late for everything?

This post may offend some readers, recruiters or not. But only because it’s going to cut close to the bone for many.

And I don’t care if I sound old-fashioned, because actually it’s nothing to do with ‘fashion’ or ‘generation’. It’s got everything to do with basic good manners and respect for other people.

So here goes… How did it get to be “OK” for people to be late for everything?

Because as far as I am concerned, it’s not OK.

In recent years it seems that a meeting set to start at 9 am, for some people means in the general vicinity of any time which starts with the numeral ‘9’. Like 9.30 for example.

People drift in at 9.10 or 9.20, or even later. And they smile warmly at the waiting group, as they unwrap their bacon sandwich, apparently totally unconcerned that others have been there since five to nine, prepared and ready to start.

10 people kept waiting in a meeting for 20 minutes, while some selfish pratt who idles his way via the coffee shop, is actually 20 minutes times 10, which is 200 minutes wasted – while you keep us waiting because you did not catch the earlier bus. That is over 3 hours wasted. By you! How much has that cost the business? Shall I send you an invoice?

And an arrangement to meet someone for a business meeting at a coffee shop at 3 pm, more often than not means at 3.10 you get a text saying ‘I am five minutes away’ which inevitably means 10 minutes, and so you wait for 15 or 20 minutes, kicking your heels in frustration.

And often these ‘latecomers’ are people who have requested the meeting in the first place, are asking for your help, or are selling something. Fat chance mate!

And of course this has massive application to the recruitment industry, where lateness is both commonplace and hugely damaging to your personal and corporate brand.

And it’s not only business.

Why do people, invited for a dinner party at 7.30, think its cool to arrive at 8.30? It’s rude. It’s inconsiderate. And it’s selfish, as I witnessed in a coffee shop near my home one weekend. Three “ladies who lunch” (a species not confined to, but heavily represented on, the lower North Shore of Sydney) were chatting loudly at the table next to me. One inquired what time the ‘drinks do’ was that night. The reply for all the world to hear was ‘Oh 7.30, but we won’t get there till 9 because by then it will have warmed up and all the interesting people will have arrived’. Nice. Imagine if everyone took that view. Cocktail parties would start at 3 am eventually.

Or a dinner at a restaurant where I was meeting two other couples. My wife was away, so I was flying solo. I arrived at two minutes to eight for an eight o’clock booking. At 8.20, I was into my second glass of Pinot and at half-past I got a text saying ‘on the way’. We finally were all seated at 8.45. There were not even attempted excuses from either of the two couples, who seemed oblivious to the fact I might actually have got there at the agreed time. Meanwhile I had put a huge dent in the bottle of Pinot, and was ready to go home.

And it is not that we lead ‘busy lives’. That’s a given, we all do, and it’s a cop out to use that as an excuse. It’s simply that some people no longer even pretend that they think your time is as important as theirs. And technology makes it worse. It seems texting or emailing that you are late somehow means you are no longer late.

Rubbish.

You are rude. And inconsiderate.

Me? Am I ever late? Sure, sometimes. That’s inevitable even with the best intentions. But I never plan to be late. I never ‘let time slide’ because my stuff is more important than yours.

I am not talking about the odd occasion of lateness. I am talking about people who are routinely late. In fact, never on time. You know who I am talking about!

And certainly I consider serial lateness a character flaw which I take into account when working out who to promote, who to hire and who to count amongst my real friends.

It’s that important.

This article was picked up by the Huffington Post and shared almost half a million times. It also got featured on the US Today Show on Television.

  • Posted by Greg Savage
  • On June 7, 2010
  • 163 Comments
Tags: Brand You, customer service, Manners, Punctuality, Recruiter Training

163 Comments

durkin
"Ha ha, I'm late for everything!" - the mating call of the ignoramus;-)
Duane Gran
Just turn a laptop to the following web application to calculate the cost of the meeting in progress: www.tobytripp.github.com/meeting-ticker If every meeting had one of these running it would shame the late comers and might even encourage other people to make a useful contribution rather than spinning away the time.
David P.
You do of course realize that this is entirely a cultural thing? Not everyone subscribes to the Western (read Anglo/Prussian/Saxon) concept of time. Expect this to be an issue even more so in the future. The world is becoming more global each year. That being said, I basically agree with your sentiment, but I would never attempt to apply it as an absolute rule for every human interaction. At most I'd apply it as an absolute rule for internal company meetings. As someone said before, it's all about examining the reasonable assumptions for any particular case--e.g. an internal company meeting vs. an informal dinner-party, etc.
Angel S. Moreno
Love your post. I always interpret a 9am meeting as "Get you ass there by 8:59am the latest". Unfortunately I am usually there by myself for 20 minutes :-(
Donna
Good article. Thanks. To commenter Sophia - Really? You tell your guests an arrival time but don't really want them there then? How embarassing and rude to the guests! That is passive-aggressive. If you are not ready when your guests arrive, then YOU are running late. You aren't necessarily rude, because many people like guests to arrive and share a glass of wine as a meal is finished, etc. But why on earth would you give them a time when you didn't want them and then let them figure it out? Enjoy their considerate punctual company and give them plates to set out if you need help!
Joe Random
I wonder why it's standard practice for doctors to keep their patients in the waiting room for nearly an hour, without fail. Is this taught in medical school? I tried short-circuiting this practice by arriving 30 minutes late, myself, and a receptionist had the gall to give me a lecture about never being late to a doctor's appointment. Thankfully, the doctor arrived at that point and let me in. Hopefully, in the future, waiting in line will be eliminated by the ability to "take a ticket" with your cellphone, along with realtime wait time estimates. Speaking of taking tickets, this reminds me of my greatest line-waiting triumph to date: I had to update my drivers license and renew my tag, which would normally require waiting for an hour at two separate, depressing, government buildings. Fortunately, they both provided tickets. So I went to the place with the shortest line (DMV, remarkably), got a ticket, drove to the tax collector, got a ticket, went back to the DMV, arrived just as my turn came up, processed the paperwork, returned to the tax collector, and once again arrived just as my turn came up. Brilliant, I thought.
Lydia Mousner
Why do people "wait' for the late parties? If someone is more than 10 minutes late for a meal, why not start without them? Or leave. A meeting should start on time, whether all parties have arrived or not. I think that is my biggest gripe is if there is a meeting that is scheduled to start at 9 am, the speaker will wait a few minutes and comment that we should wait "in case someone is stuck in traffic" or whatever excuse they use. Rubbish!
bk
People - I understand your frustration with people that don't function as you do... some people actually have ADD or ADHD and it is more difficult, especially for those that don't take medication, to be time-aware... leaving them in a perpetual state of regret (knowing full well how other people who don't have ADD perceive their lateness), guilt, feeling like you've let others down, and self-chastisement. That having been said, I do think it can be addressed, particularly with the assistance of medication. The person with ADD who is determined to change this faces a hard struggle, but I'm convinced they can be victorious - just be aware you're in for a tough fight against yourself. I'm not trying to candy-coat it here. New habits can be formed within 21 days, so get cracking! As you can see from the slightly offensive viewpoints and comments expressed here, people aren't going to extend understanding - it's simply outside of their personal experience - and they will assume the worst. Your professional future rests on the making a successful change... I'd recommend medication if you've been diagnosed, and some life-coaching... basically, whatever take advantage of every tool you can to win. Your self-esteem will greatly benefit.
BlindedToTheTruth
You know you're selfish when you've posted such an article as this. Generalizing the situation and ignoring all other possibilities that could result of someone's tardiness at your cause is selfish in itself. In most cases you are right, but that doesn't mean it's OK to block off the rest of the humans who make mistakes. Your only friends would be yourself and a dog.
Oscar Godson
Wow, thank god you dont live in EU, i think your head would literally (yes literally) implode. AU sounds like the US where time = $ and in other countries its just not like that. Its not a character flaw at all, its a cultural thing. Im thankful people even here in the US understand being late. At my current, job which was extremely hard to get (they only picked 2 out of 100s of applicants and I was the 1st) I was late to the two interviews. One time I couldn't find a parking spot downtown for 15 mins, and I ended up having to park 10 mins away. I ended up being 10 mins late. The 2nd time, so this wouldn't happen, I left an HOUR early. However I ended up waiting for a bridge that had opened making me over 45 mins late. Shit happens, and while being late to get coffee or something is totally an asshole move, being late in general isn't. I haven't been late to a single meeting in the last year, but i screwed up the first 2 interviews, so someone like you would have never hired someone like me although it was seriously 2 total mess ups. Finally, being late, because its a cultural thing, needs to be fixed internally in a business. You need to state meetings are at 1pm (or whatever) and they end at 2pm, if you're 5 mins late fine, but if you are more just dont come. For family and stuff just say you have shit to do at 9pm or whatever so youll have to leave at 845, so if they are late you still get outta there at the same exact time. Just curious, but you don't have kids do you? Just doesn't seem like you would... kids always seem to make you late...
Kelly
I once called the receptionist from a doctor's exam room because I had been waiting so long. This was in the early days of cell phones, and it took some time to convince the receptionist that no, this was not a joke. The doctor showed up shortly afterward. He did not keep me waiting in the two following years in which he was my doctor
Oscar Godson
P.S. talking about being late, I got 2 database errors, and waiting 10 mins for the page to load and 5 mins for the comment to post... for someone talking about how much being late is annoying, you'd think your server would be a little more reliable and faster :)
Scott Walters
No, I am running late. And I'm sorry for making you late, however, you are not the center of MY attention, until I'm in the meeting, and I'm there at my own discretion. Let's also not forget that if the meeting starts at 9:00am; the meeting starts at 9:00am, not 9:10 or 9:20. If someone is 20 minutes late, well, they can be caught up later.
Stephanie
I once got a divorce over this very issue. Lateness says you're not important. If you're continually late to see me, then why the hell would I think I was important to you.
K FS
Greg, your article is well written and articulates your point very clearly. However the argument is limited in its failure to analyze different perspectives on the issue. Yes, tardiness does lead to certain inefficiencies measured on a purely nominal and identifiable cost basis (where costs are tangible, i.e. determined by metrics such as time and wages). However, as commenter David P. identified, this argument takes the very Anglo-Saxon approach of valuing on purely tangible basis. But what about the intangible consequences of tardiness? Could the people that are painted as "selfish and rude" be in fact giving you a gift, a gift of time? As highlighted in the article, everyone considers him or herself extremely busy. So why not view the time spent waiting as an opportunity to step away from the constant rush? Self-reflection driven by momentary solitude often leads to the creation of new ideas or the improvement of existing ideas. At the very worst, it offers one the opportunity to disconnect, albeit momentarily, which leads to a reduction in stress and has countless health benefits. Although, this benefit is again, intangible. As far as the dinner example, the wait for the other parties presents you the opportunity to interact with people at the restaurant (who may be waiting for their parties). This interaction could have countless benefits, in addition to confirming your humanity, your partner in conversation could quite potentially become your next recruitee! Tardiness therefore can have multiple effects, and depending on the approach, it can be seen as a waste, or an opportunity. But by not enjoying those brief moments presented by those identified in the article as "selfish and rude" you squander the opportunity they are giving you, and that is without a doubt, a serious waste.
Chronically Late
Are there any resources to help people who are chronically late? I generally don't plan to be late. But I often am, because I bite off more than I can chew and underestimate the time it takes to do something.
Matt Barcomb
So I'll start by saying that I too am normally on time and get annoyed with frequent and excessive lateness, but one of the opening phrases in this blog is incorrect: "And I don’t care if I sound old-fashioned, because actually it’s nothing to do with ‘fashion’ or ‘generation’. It’s got everything to do with basic good manners and respect for other people." So, temporal sensitivity is a strongly cultural thing, and indeed, both "fashion" and "generation" have a big impact on that. What is considered respectful and good manners differs greatly between cultures (including generations). There are many cultures and countries where tardiness is tolerated or even expected as the norm, and a few where is is actually considered rude to be early. Well, like I said, I'm usually early, and appreciate that to, and agree its important to respect that if that is the culture one lives in, but when /most/ people are doing something (being late) then perhaps the culture is changing or has changed? Is it not also important to be respectful of that? Or should everyone accommodate our views because it /used/ to be the norm?
Jay
...Sorry...I just got here...what'd I miss?
Ratana
When I was a tutor in college, I used to tell my students you're on time or you're absent. If I had to be up at 8 a.m. in the middle of winter semester to teach them statistics or whatever subject, they needed to be there too, prepared & ready to go. Now many years later, I see and work with so many who blatently disregard the importance of other people's time, and we spend so much meeting time waiting for the late people or catching [the late] people up, and then running over meeting time, instead of actually getting work done. It makes me miss my college tutoring days. Thank you so much for this post - it gets right to the heart of the matter.
JKxZ
You are a self important little man. An agreement to meet at a given time should be met, but just because you ALWAYS fulfill your end of the promise doesn't give you the right to be a pompous prick about it. Your intolerance is spite ridden and reeks of faulted platitudes. You point to technology as a faulted saving grace mechanism, but it's better than not having an information at all. Our modern society is unnecessarily complex and ultimately navigating from location A to B introduces a significantly more variables than we are prepared to deal with. Do you plan for every possible scenario that could delay your timely arrival? Do you consider every thing that could get in the way and adjust accordingly? If I did that I would have to wake up at 3AM every morning to make it to the office by 8. In short, you don't wear your watch... your watch wears you. It will wear you out much sooner than someone not so perfection obsessed. So while someone might not meet your expectations regarding timeliness, they are going to be here a LOT longer than you will be, and you will be very early for your final appointment. Enjoy your short stay here on planet earth.
SuperPope
The constant insistence in these comments that actually KEEPING YOUR WORD is a "cultural thing" is patently absurd.
Singlestone
"You are a self-important little man" = "How DARE you presume to infringe upon my right to be as late as I like?!" One senses classical projection here, the boiling-over of one's own self-loathing - an intolerant, spite-ridden accusal of the *other* fellow being intolerant and spite-ridden. The underlying adolescent cry is "But I *can't* be on time - there's just too much to think about!" And yet, and yet. When people who make a real effort to be on time, to take possible delays into account, they're generally successful. It's too bad that JKxZ can't outwardly acknowledge that simple fact. I sense that he feels the truth of it, otherwise why would he lash out at a stranger? We'll pray for you, JKxZ. That you develop the ability to interact with others properly, without emitting a little puddle of bile when someone disagrees with you. Have a nice day! =)
JoeMo
Amen Brother. Just as any normal person I'm late from time to time, but I plan to be early. Those who are habitually late show through their actions that whatever it is their late to is not important enough for them to be on time. These type of people are the bane of our society.
Lyena Solomon
Allowing people to be late is also a learned behavior. I try to battle lateness as much as I can. I would not wait for a party that is consistently 30 minute late. I leave and tell people that I am sorry they could not make it. If you wait for everyone to show up for a meeting, you are making it ok to be late. If you start meetings on time every time, attendees make an effort to be there. Works most of the time.
Fred
Being late is hardly worth mentioning as far as rude factor when half the staff at any given event is texting away. Speaking of dinner out, I don't bother because all I ever hear is someone elses loud cell conversation about nothing of importance. Id rather people show up late and turn the dahmn phone off any day!
Steve Lee
Being late means your word is worthless. If I can't even trust something so small and common, then how can I trust anything else. No, we won't be doing business together, or you won't be working for me or we won't ever become friends. Late is an insult because you are clearly saying that my time, the one things I cannot buy or ever get back, is worthless. Well, wrong!
Louie
this article was spot on. I am always early to every appointment I make or someone else makes but it never fails that the person I am meeting who I have an appointment with is ALWAYS late. I am so sick and tired of it. I reposted this article to my FB account as a little hint to my "friends"
Jackson Peebles
Nice post, and thanks for the insight. I am one of those people who arrives to informal meetings (i.e. parties) "fashionably late," but you make an excellent point. I'll be modifying my habits.
Joel W
@Chronically Late, yes there is something real and practical you can do if you're late everywhere (since you asked) --> Double the time you estimate those errands and travel time will take you. Double. This rule of thumb has served me very well in my lifetime - it is often spot on.
Owen
@JKxZ: Some of us do, in fact, plan for contingencies. Example: I could catch a train that would get me to work _dead_ on time if I were to walk fast from the station. However I can never count on CityRail to do anything right, so I factor this in by catching one 15 minutes earlier. If it's been raining heavily, I'll consider the train 25 minutes earlier (as the train goes slower during the wet, natch). Following that, getting to the station: I know roughly how many cars park there, and if I arrive there at certain times where I'll have to park. I take this into account. It's a very simple law of averages and basing time on experience, and NOT hard to factor into your daily routine. If I say to my partner, "I'll be at your place at 4.15" and we have to go somewhere, it means I expect her to be ready to leave at 4.20 at the ABSOLUTE latest. Given that it's a 1 hour 10 minute drive (usually) to her place, I don't think it's unreasonable for her to be completely ready by the time I get there if I send her an SMS as I leave home. I'm not old. I'm 26. I'm not morally upright, far from it. I simply agree with Greg in that it's a matter of manners, and healthy respect. Dinner party? Want people to get there at 8? Tell them so. If you say 7 and you know you won't have it ready by then, either account for it by having conversation/wine while things finish, or start dinner earlier. It's not that hard. I know there's always going to be things we can't account for that might delay us, but if we try and take standard things into contingency (say for instance, slightly busy traffic), then if we get in a deadlock, we can say, hey, at least I tried. Example: If I'd been on time given normal traffic, and would have been there 5 minutes before time, and I get caught in deadlock traffic? First thing I do is get on the phone. "Hi, just caught in traffic now, was on schedule to get there at (time), just not too sure now. How about I give you a call at (time) and let you know how I'm going?". Courtesy goes a long way. If someone can justify their lateness like that to me, I have no problem. If they've taken the time to attempt to be there, fine.
Jim aka Evil Skippy at Work
Your description of late-comers to a business meeting gave me a flashback to my law firm days. Such behavior is a huge time-waster for people who kept to a business schedule. It would not apply to social lives, but my proposal for the business world is to do away with meetings altogether. Due to clueless jerks who keep everyone waiting to "leaders" who did not put together a useful meeting plan, most business meetings are a waste of time. The article can be found at http://www.evilskippyatwork.com/?p=38
melissa
wow. Someone needs to do some yoga or go to a mountain and meditate for a while.
Speaker to Control Freaks
@Steve Lee: "Being late means your word is worthless.
If I can’t even trust something so small and common, then how can I trust anything else. No, we won’t be doing business together, or you won’t be working for me or we won’t ever become friends."
Wow... just wow. You may want to gain some sense of perspective there.
Pete
Great blog. You're soooooo correct! We have an internal culture of lateness... it's just pathetic. Customers would freak out if we were late with responding to them, so why is it okay for internal stakeholders???
Sandy
Great article and couldn't agree with you more!!! It still completely boggles my mind that an arranged meeting time of 7:30 to some people means between 8:00 - 8:30!!!! Are you kidding?? I thought we were in the same time zone? Apparently that's my bad.
Leon Kehoe
If you expect everyone to behave as you do you'll forever be angry, disappointed and upset. Let people be themselves. An acquaintance of mine once told me that in order to get people to change the way they act around you, don't get angry at them, but tell them how their actions make you feel.
Louisa
I can cope with people who are late with good reason. Sometimes, traffic really is terrible, you can't find a parking space and yes, trains do get delayed. People who are routinely late frustrate me but I also expect those people to be hugely apologetic. It's a lot easier to forgive people who care that they've wasted your time. Our behaviour reflects our attitudes and you are right, it shows a complete lack of respect. Fortunately, I've learned to always carry some useful reading material for those times I am kept waiting.
Sif Dal
I take exception to the argument that people with ADD and ADHD should be excused from time deadlines... As a person with ADD, who does NOT take medication (and does not drive) I make an EXTRA effort to get to places on time (usually arriving far too early!) BECAUSE I'm aware of my disorder and don't use it as some sort of crutch...
late-arriver
Wow. This article was blunt, powerful, and potentially habit-changing. This is coming from a culprit who appreciated the new perspective on his crimes. I'm going to make an earnest attempt to change. Thank you!
miconian
Greg, you are making other people responsible for your happiness. If you and I have a meeting, and I don't show up on time, then you have the right to start without me, and to force me to face the consequences. What you don't have the right to do is to wait for me, and then blame me for forcing you to wait for me. I didn't. You go ahead and live your punctilious life, and I'll live mine, and we'll both let the chips fall where they may. That is, after all, the only way to see how much being late really matters.
    Greg Savage
    Interesting perspective. Hard to "start the meeting without you" if the meeting only was for the two of us and I had to get across town to a coffee shop or other location to meet you. I think that's a pretty fair scenario where I might be entitled to "blame you for forcing me to wait for you'.
Lori
I sort of agree - I am almost always on time, a bit uptight about it in fact. My husband is almost always late. I used to get upset about his habitual lateness until I realized how often he was late for things with other people because he was focusing on something we were doing together -- and I imagined him slowly wending his way through the day, being thorough and attentive to those with whom he interacted. It might be perceived as impolite to run away from something that is half-finished just because you have an appointment elsewhere. I consider this to be a bit of a cultural thing - and by saying "cultural" I'm not just making a lame, pc excuse for irresponsibility. Your perspective (and your examples) say this is selfish - but it really depends.
Thomas
"And certainly I consider serial lateness a character flaw which I take into account when working out who to promote, who to hire and who to count amongst my real friends." To be perfectly honest: I think if you're always on time, you're doing something wrong in your life.
laura
Oh my Goodness.....soooooo true. I am always early for everything and hate hate hate people that are late!!!!
ummati
I agree when we have to go there we plan a head to be late or @ least 10-15 mintues :D ehehe But as you said sometimes it is inevitable, soi think the Waiters ehehe (those who are waitting) should take there stuff with them whiich they can do while they are waitting.
PENFOLD
Not being on time is (in my book) the best way to show your employer/boss that you don't give a **** about your job!
J
If you're late to a meeting you called, I don't wait more than fifteen minutes. Also, if you know you're going to be late, don't reschedule the meeting one minute before it starts. Why? Because I've been there for five minutes already.
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