Terrifying recruitment stories. In 6 words!

I can tell you a story about recruitment that will make you shiver. Make you recoil in horror. And I can do it in six words.

Here are 20 such horror stories to get you screaming, blocking your ears, and running for the exit.

‘I will call you back. Promise’.
‘Can I just think about it?’
‘I just got a counter-offer’.
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Monday
Your bonus threshold just went up.
My ‘under-offer’ candidate won’t return calls.
Source. Introduce. Manage. Negotiate. Placement. Counter-offer.
Yes! Must just check with wife.
Best Client. Third candidate ‘no-show’.
Placed candidate calls week after starting.
12-month temp job bomb-out.
Dead cert placement until… ‘internal candidate’.
Friday afternoon. Beer fridge is empty
9 am Temp start. 9.15 client calls
Margin calculation. Forgot all on-costs.
‘HR want to do psych testing first’.
‘What do you DO for your fee?
‘The job is now on hold’.
‘Your candidate is perfect! Anyone else?’
Hiring freeze ordered by US head-office.
‘I gave the order to 6 agencies’.

What about you? Do you have a recruitment horror story? Can you tell it in six words?
Bet you can.

Let’s have it then! In the comments below please.

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  • Posted by Greg Savage
  • On January 28, 2015
  • 64 Comments
Tags: recruitment, recruitment humour, recruitment info, recruitment stories

64 Comments

Kim
How about 'Sign terms before give you job'
    m
    My employer is threatening legal action.
Vanessa Wiltshire
Brilliant Greg. Can I add 3 nightmare stories for a HR?: "I am being bullied" or "can we speak off the record"? ANd the big one "I want to cause grievous bodily harm to my manager". (true story and he was serious)
    Khutjo
    Poor manager
Elias
Our current vendors charge 10% fee. Human resources controls the vendor list.
Robert Godden
True stories in six words: I'm reversing my acceptance: Won tattslotto. Candidate dumped Employer during High School Said I wanted $80k, now $100k
Dal
"Can give me good candidates tomorrow?" when the client just briefed you on a niche / business critical role that day.
Jon
Not specifically recruitment, but a horror story for business owners.. 'Tax and super due next week'
CD
We outsource recruiting to third party.
Steve Thompson
Which agency are you from again?
Steve Thompson
We're focussing on 10 new KPI's
Fergal Bell
These bring on a smile and a grimace. "Your placement's leaving. Moving to Dubai." (first placement with my new employer). "I'm morally opposed to gambling." (candidate at interview with a lottery operator) "Your candidate ate all the biscuits."
AA
Recruiter: "sorry you're not progressing to the next stage" Candidate: "may I know the reason why" Recruiter: "I don't know" WTH happened?!
Dan Nuroo
"that's package? i was talking base"
Ian
Very true, these six words have the ability to cause havoc with many recruiters and recruitment managers.... minimise the variables!!! thats also part of the job right!? Great post Greg, unfortunately it brought a smile to my face!!
Rebecca
"Sharpen the pencil on rates" "Wife now not prepared to relocate" "Salary higher than expected can't accept" (true - higher salary effected partners benefits!)
Francesca
I was briefed by another agency.
    Alex Babic
    That's the knife in the guts right there.
Matthew Templar
Best candidates only. Can we negotiate?
Peter
We'll now interview candidates next month (after achieving an agreed short list) OR "have you have finished having children" (interview question asked of all candidates)
AJ Watts
"Let me ask the wife...."
Lisa B
* 10 years missing on CV (in jail attempted murder of my ex-wife). * First day of new job male candidate turns up as a female. * Job offered candidate accepted then failed a drug test on first week due to hash cookie consumption at her ex works leaving party.
    Tanya
    Haahhaa. Sorry - those are funny!
      Lisa B
      Yep I have had some beauties! Nothing surprises me anymore...
SF
From hiring Manager after offer made: HO want to interview the candidate before we decide
Elise
From a corporate recruiters perspective............ "I'm your new account manager"
Stephanie
Um, I have a non-compete clause.
Alan Allebone
Sorry I applied for the wrong job I'll speak to the wife
Artyom
'This needs to go through HR'
Alex Babic
HR: "We reserve the right to approach unsolicited cv's". I only made that mistake once,.
Mark
Couple of 6 sentencer's - "Candidate good, can we have more CVs?" "We hired you for your skill, now do it our way!" - I know that's 11. "let me get back to you in the new year" New year +1 month later "Still haven't decided to hire that candidate"
Christian Wilkins
"Definate interview for a possible position" (I had this from a very well known engineering company a few weeks ago)
Sarah
Your candidate turned up drunk.
Craig Kelly
Candidate left his job 20 mins into his first day: "Office too small, I get claustrophobic."
James C
"candidate looks perfect, did he tell you about his narcolepsy?" (condition where they just fall asleep at random moments, not to be confused with necrophilia") "i think your candidate may be under the influence" "why" "he just had a fight with the digger, and lost"
David Stone
Criminal Records check was very "interesting"
Tom Palmer - RIDA
Heard this from a company we work with, From a candidate applying for festival bar work: 'Will I have to work outside?' Followed by her explaining that she couldn't work in an environment where she 'might get wet'!
Tracy
Haaaaaaaaaaaaha! Lollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll! Tee hee hee. I am new to this part of the business. You all are cracking me up. Okay, I better get back to the phones now.
Miles Barry
"Not quite the right cultural fit". (Translation: "everyone here, including the hiring manager, is under 23. How old IS he, really?")
Steve Davis
" Who is calling?" "What job did I apply to?" "My Fiance dumped me!" "Your candidate was really good, but!" "Office too cold, can't work there" "I thought I could do homework" "My Ferrets were sick" "I couldn't find the place, really" Your candidate didn't show" "Your candidate smells, really bad" " Your candidate made pass at me" "What, I can't touch women?" "Buy a belt, pull up pants" " ButteredFunk @, not cool" "Resume good, photo bad, don't!" "Why are you so expensive?" "Can they jump 5 feet in air?"
Freyja
All true, hilarious and I learned something - I definitely need a beer fridge.. Thanks Greg - your usual great post!
Richard Triggs
"You mean I need sales meetings?" - from 95% of recruitment consultants to their manager.
Sarah
Candidate with very rare skillset, hiring company doing everything they could to tailor the role for her from both a job and salary perspective, 3 interviews, references were excellent, candidate was asked all (well, so I thought!) the standard checks and questions asked about other roles, counter offers etc. and an offer over and above what the candidate was looking for was made. And then she uttered these words..... "My church elders advised me against it." I know that's 7 words, but I've never forgotten them. People - the one commodity you can't control.
RM
My ex works there Someone knows your candidate and... Applied direct and I interviewed him last week You're the third recruiter calling today (from prospect client or candidate) Not interested (followed by slam) Sorry RPO Sorry PSA Sorry Internal Team We are splitting your desk Why didn't you make your KPIs? Introduce newest temp consultant to clients Introduce new training division to clients We are having sales meetings - That one is a joke Richard :-)
Rowena Arnold
LOVE job, but husbands been transferred! 2 weeks in "Hate this job!!!" Another recruiter told me about this job The hours clash with Saturday sport 3 month review, no increase - leaving!
PJ
Our recruiter sourced his resume yesterday! Someone already contacted me about that. Love your candidate, can we negotiate?
Julie
"get temp down off cooling tower!" (client calls to me) "apparently he has overstayed Visa...." "your temps are manufacturing gang weapons" "my pay is wrong" (candidate calls) "I didn't get paid" "why have you taxed me so much?" "no I didn't put in my Tax Dec...why?" Oh those 90's were wild and woolly!!
HeadHunterLA
I just found a non-compete I signed. Oh them, I have heard terrible things.
Sophiezzz
'we want to compare your price" 'the project is cancelled' ' 'candidate said his parent is sick' 'wife is pregnant, cannot move' 'candidate suddenly didn't answer the phone' 'candidate didn't show 100% go attitude
Anne Ali
Need to tender as a formality.
Luke McDonald
I've had a long think and.....
Barry Harte
My ex proposed to me at my leaving party and now we are moving to Seattle.
Bradley Richardson
1. Black Panther Tatoo on Candidate's Breast 2. Let me talk to my wife 3. Let me pray about it
Paddy
Candidate's perfect. Any more profiles?
Hassanah Rudd
Client "can you come to us please the temp has locked herself inside the toilet & won't come out" Client "what's your insurance?" Me "why?" "Your temp just drove the forklift into the roller doors & destroyed them" Client "yeah that temp we had to send them home" Me "Why?" "He just punched out the boss" Temp "guy in the office just exposured himself too me & when I screamed he jumped through the window, the ambulance is here...should I stay?" Can't make them six words ... But plenty more stories like that! Seriously Recruiters have the best work stories
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